First-Timer

So, I guess you can say that I have become that "mother." The one who writes and shares experiences about her children. Honestly, I don't care what others think. These babies have become my life. I no longer wake up and care about what I look like in the morning. My main priorities revolve around their lives. These little creatures have taken up my whole being. When I first became a mother, I had no idea what I was getting involved in. I never researched breastfeeding or any of the pros and cons. I never asked questions about childbirth or the process or took any classes. I let my maternal instincts take over and allowed my body to lead my choices. Three months before my daughter, Giulietta was born, I watched my little sister breastfeed her first baby. She told me that I should do it as well; for at least the first three months of my daughters life. I was like, "Okay, I will do it." When my daughter was born, she came out and looked at me with one eye open. It was a look that emitted a mutual understanding. A, "So you are my mother?," type of look. I was 25 years old when she was born and I really had no clue what to expect. We did our skin to skin that the nurses recommended and then it was time to feed the baby. I watched how easy it was for my sister to breastfeed her daughter and I thought I would share the experience. Little did I know, a nightmare was about to begin. The nurses were kind enough to demonstrate how to get the baby to latch on. They also gave me a sheet to keep track of the baby's feedings. Unfortunately, each time I had to get the baby to feed, it was a struggle. The nurses had to come in and help. Eventually, I was mortified of feeding time. I was also dreary of visitors because my breasts were always visible. My nipples started to feel like raw sausages each time baby would latch. They became blistered and sore. I had to apply a nipple ointment, which is common for all first-time breastfeeders. I chose, Mamma Earth's Angel nipple butter. My friend recommended it after she watched her sister struggle with feedings. It honestly is "heaven sent." I am not writing these posts to discourage breastfeeding. On the contrary, I am sharing my experience to encourage first-timers to continue no matter how challenging that it may become. Not only is breastfeeding beneficial to babies, but it is also beneficial to mothers. The longer you breastfeed, the lower your risk to develop certain types of cancer, such as breast, cervical, and uterine. Let me tell you again, breastfeeding can certainly be a struggle, but it's the most rewarding experience in the world. I am by no means bashing formula feeders. I am very pro-feeding your baby in any way that you deem fit, but I am also extremely pro-breastfeeding. Any time I see a new mother breastfeeding or attempting to breastfeed, my heart literally explodes with joy. The bond that is created with your baby is literally, "one in a million." I will never forget the one time at the hospital that the nurse did not want to assist me. I loathed her response to my struggle. "Baby will eat when she is hungry." "I am having a hard time with her latch. All of the other nurses have helped." She walked away from me and left me to fend for myself. It was not until later that I discovered that my hardships were linked to flat nipples. Any who, there were moments I screamed at the top of my lungs for help and literally cried my eyes out. No matter how difficult it was, I never gave up. Maybe because I didn't want to seem like a failure or maybe it was because I put my daughters needs first. I was terrified to leave the house the first two months of breastfeeding. Within the first month, I never left my home. I grew into a slight bought of depression, where I started to feel sorry for my self. I was happy for my daughter and her well being, but I did not care about me. My life revolved around her. I had so much milk that I developed mastitis and an extremely high fever. I decided to start pumping to deal with the mastitis and I was also prescribed antibiotics. I had no idea that pumping could make the mastitis worse, which in my case it didn't, but it did cause an overactive supply. An overactive letdown followed my supply issue, which caused baby to choke each time she fed. Another bad scenario, which I did not have to deal with is thrush. My friend informed me to take probiotics as soon as I was issued antibiotics. The pump did do my nipples wonders! My flat nipples became perfectly normal. My breastfeeding experience was no longer a struggle. Everything became easier in the third month. My daughter did not appreciate a breastfeeding cover, so people would gawk and stare. One person even said I was "disgusting" for feeding my baby. All chivalry and decency and caring about what people thought about me went out the window when my daughter was hungry. I would stare and make faces right back at the people who "cared." "Can I help you? Would you like a picture?" People would look at me with their jaws dropping. I simply did not give a shit. My number one fan was my grandfather. He admired every aspect of my breastfeeding. It meant the world to me. His mother actually nursed all of the children in their Italian hometown in the 1930's. He remembered all of her efforts, so he was so proud that I decided to nurse my daughter. I had so much milk and his mother did as well. Throughout my entire experience, I pumped at work and donated a few hundred ounces to mothers who wanted their babies to have "liquid gold." I was honored and amazed to meet all of these mommies that wanted their babies to strive with breast milk. I had an amazing experience pumping with my daughter. I was proud to have breastfed her for 2 1/2 years. We weaned when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant with my son because it was too painful. When I became pregnant with my son, I was determined to continue my breastfeeding experience. I was so upset when the experience ended with my daughter, but it was the right thing to do. It felt as if I was losing a vital part of me. We both cried. I will never forget when my son came out. I was completely in love with him. He was such a different complexion than my daughter. They were both gorgeous. My daughters skin was pink and my sons was blue. My daughter had dark hair and eyes, while my son was born with red hair and bright blue eyes. My daughters name was derived from a family name, while my son was named after my number one fan, my grandfather, Giovanni Antonio. I chose the name for my son because my grandfather passed away a year before from pancreatic cancer. None of his children or grandchildren share his name and I wanted to honor his legacy. After 7 hours of labor, my son was born. He was a "true blessing." His latch was perfect not shallow like my daughters. I was excited to begin a new adventure. All of my worries diminished after I peered into my sons eyes. Even with success is followed by difficulties. My supply came in after 2 days and after a week, it quickly became overactive and followed by an overactive letdown. If you are a new mom, these terms may seem like a foreign language to you. In other words, I have too much milk, which causes a problem and with a followed overactive letdown, too much milk expresses and causes baby to choke, spit up, or gag. This problem can be resolved by hand expressing before feeding, manual pumping, leaning back while feeding the baby, or even placing the baby in a wrap. In my case, this was a repeat situation. They say that by three months, your milk becomes regulated. If you have an oversupply, excessive pumping is discouraged because a pump communicates to your body differently than a baby. However, if you are a working mom like me, you have no choice, but to continue pumping to maintain a supply and build a stash, so your baby can feed while you are away. Since the overactive supply was a repeat situation for me, I knew exactly what to do. I pulled out the same wrap I used with my daughter and we were on a roll. It has been 2 1/2 months of breastfeeding and my son has gained a total of 6 pounds since birth. Every day is a new experience, so I will share highlights and my tips along the way. Goodbye for now.